Nowdays, when people say, "Let me show you something [on their phone or whatever]." My answer is, "Tell me about what you going to show me first." If I want to watch it afterward, it's up to me. People have no chill. I've learned my lesson, so you're not going to disturb my spirit without my permission. Once, my cousin showed me a picture without preparation. I was so upset at him for showing it to me just like that.
Today, this girl after class is like "Let me show you this video from WorldStarHupHop." I'm like, "Nope. Tell me what's on the video first." Then, she asks, "Why?" I reply, "I want to be prepared for whatever is that you want me to watch." She proceeds to ask several irrelevant questions. When she realizes that I was serious, she starts, "It's about this girl who cheated on her partner." She stops. I'm like, "And. What did he do?" Pause. He shot her. Me, "I'm not watching that." Her, "It doesn't show everything. You only see the gun." I'm still not watching that video. What is up with some people? Why are you so eager to sprung something like that on people? I've seen and read about some gruesome human behaviors, but I'm usually somewhat prepared before I proceed.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Taking 17 units while working 24 hours a week is probably the worst thing I've ever done to myself.
The worst part is that each class is writing intensive which is way too time consuming.
If I would've known I have to write a 10-12 page paper for behavioral sciences statistics, I would've opted for a regular statistics class where all I have to do is the math.
I've been following this Ferguson situation closely on social media and it has been quite interesting analyzing how mainstream media is reporting compared to the updates that are coming from the protesters and journalists who are actually there. For instance, most of the looting going on in Ferguson is centralized and actually quite sparse. However, the media is leading the masses to believe that there is mass looting and crime going on when it's really not. On the contrary, most of the protesters are stopping the looting before it even starts. I think in total there have been only a few separate incidents but they have not burned down the city. The protests from what I have seen from the updates on sites such as twitter and tumblr have been quite peaceful despite the media's depictions. It's the police that are causing the most chaos. These biased news outlets are not about to broadcast anything that will inspire change purposely. That's why people should always look beyond media and the press for real change and informative movements. The mainstream media has no one's best interest at heart that isn't worth money. Someone on twitter pointed out that there was footage that was not even from Ferguson or Missouri being used as "footage" from looters. They seem to be doing anything to make this murder excusable.
With everything that's going on with Beyoncé and Jay in the media right now, this tour is such a hilariously accurate depiction of how media and fans have turned them into larger than life GODS that live every second of their lives looking and acting like their music videos, blog stories, photo shoots, etc The "THIS IS NOT REAL LIFE" being plastered on the screen probably went over most of the audience's head. Even the "THIS IS NOT A REAL GUN!"while Bee's shooting to say, "Hey! You know Bee doesn't really live like this right?" LOL. It's so easy to get lost in what we're seeing of the "baddest" and "hottest" couple. But when the"THIS IS REAL LIFE" segment comes in, you see them spending time with family, teaching their child how to crawl/walk, getting married, and just being together in serene and quiet places. Almost being boring compared to the skits and vignettes, because, at the end of the day, they are a real family. And after all of the hype and excitement over "Resentment" (people in the audience were crying & saying things like "She REALLY is hurt! He had to have cheated!"), it wasn't real! And that, unfortunately, is the message people aren't getting from this show. And how plainly they are putting into perspective celebrity vs. real life. I still heard some people, when the show was over, debating about "Resentment". But I guess them kissing, holding hands, and the entire ending didn't matter? But I'm assuming in an ugly twist of irony, that's probably Bee and Jay's whole point! Which is why proving yourself and proving rumors wrong to the public doesn't matter. Because they will see what they want to. I could go on and on... Such an incredible show, and I loved everything about it.
Favorite parts? "Clique/Diva", "NIP" (Wow!), "Ex-Factor", "Song Cry", "Resentment" and "Pretty Hurts". The way Beyoncé comes out with the Texas jacket seamlessly executed after we just saw "young Bee" with the Texas jacket in the video. And she's just bopping with her back turned toward us before she really starts going in. It was my first time seeing it live. I stayed away from the full performance. Great crowd reaction too.
It's 11:30pm and I am currently writing this from my phone. I have just seen some pictures that disturbed me to my core. Israel is a disgrace, plain and simple.
They are a police state and the Palestinians are under Apartheid with the same tactics as in South Africa!
And with billions of US Tax dollars paying for this shit! MY money and your money...to kill babies...NO I do not agree with ANY OF WHAT THEY HAVE DONE! Not only do they take our tax money but they tax US for the weapons we give them for free. And then you have cities like Detroit that the government ignores.
The Israelis should be curbed and brought to heel! Without US money, they could not do anything, their whole economy is based on that aid, and almost all their food is imported from the US. They would not last a month on their own food....
The FAA banned flights to and from Israel to the US, and the Israelis have gone nuts, cause they know that is a death blow to their damn economy! And YES, the ban on flights needs to be continued....!! Who flies into a war zone!?
This current episode is because Israel brutalized Gaza because 3 Israelis boys got killed there....but they want to ignore that Israelis lynched an innocent Palestinian teenager and burned him alive in retaliation. They also want to ignore that their Police beat up the American cousin of this boy who was lynched. They want to ignore the fact that their policies of bulldozing homes and people and killing civilians is condemned and that Internationally people are on to what they are doing.
It is fascism at its worst and that is all there is to it. It is wrong as hell for them to dispossess the Palestinians who have been on that land for 1000 years while the Jews were dispersed into Europe, just because Winston Churchill made a deal for Israel to be in that area at the end of WW2. You live in a place for a thousand years, and it is YOURS. It was as wrong as hell for them to put Israel there when they could have had a state for European Jews in Eastern Europe with all the territory there.
It is what it is...Israel needs to stop this mistreatment and Apartheid againist the Palestinians...and the US needs to tell them to stop NOW or lose the aid, simple as that...
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Sorry, I haven't blogged in a while. Lost the charger to my laptop.
- Posted from iPhone.
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
I have been suffering from short-term memory loss or something, lately. I think I just have too much on my plate but I have been having trouble remembering even the slightest things. Its crazy because I have always had an impeccable memory. I can usually remember the smallest details like what a person was wearing 15 years ago. Lately though, I have been having trouble even remembering easy stuff like my ATM pin number, my phone password, easy stuff that I do every day. Weird.
You may picture the average marriage revolving around two people who were heads over heals for each other committing to one another. During the marriage they go through a series of trying times that may either bring them closer or pull them apart. The couple may even begin to hate each other so much that they are driven to file for divorce. Nick and Amy Dunn are not your average happily married couple gone wrong. In this story of betrayal, wounded egos, and vengeance the reader is taken on a wild menacing ride. Gone Girl is not a happy, feel good love story with just a few bumps in an otherwise silky road. Nope. This road is paved in despair and carries you on an intense, mysterious, questioning journey of whodunit's, how's, and why's. The solemn tone is very often lightened with creatively injected humor, painting on a fairly substantial coating of irony in the process...Why, yes, this IS all very sick, but the snarky narration has me laughing anyway... The majority of the characters are complex and (being generous here) barely likable, but there were moments of honest empathy and deep sadness for them.
Once, I got through the last page I was like…
Here's an interesting piece on the author: http://www.theguardian.com/books/2013/may/01/gillian-flynn-bestseller-gone-girl-misogyny
"These people don't talk to jews, they don't take to black people. They don't know their so called enemy. So when they talk to me they are talking to reality and that's the first thing they have to survive."
Mass shootings are tragic and horrific enough, but this arrogant, narcissistic, entitled, misogynist prick makes my blood boil. You're going to ride around in your BMW and shoot innocent people because snobby sorority girls don't want to screw you? Really? He wrote a 140 page paper and posted YouTube videos because he was lonely during spring break?
It seemed he never really TALKED to anyone....so a lot of this rejection he discusses is all in his mind. He never really approached a girl to ask for a date and also did not talk to girls in his classes etc. Also, girls smiled at him and he did not respond back, he was clueless. I read his manifesto....tough going, but I was curious as to what he was saying.
He actually had counselors who were hired to help him get some social skills. He had 3 males and ONE female. They were paid friends essentially. He actually improved with the female counselor and though he did not say anything romantic or sexual to her, he said he felt better just being around a woman period. But then she moved away and he did not get another female counselor.
Also, he kept praying that a girl would speak to him so he could put off what he called the Day of Retribution. But he was not speaking to the girls, so were they supposed to know when he's withdrawn?
I would think that some girl may have dated him IF someone in his family or the counselors had told him how to make friends....I really can NOT believe that he could not have pulled a woman of some type if he was offering rides in his BMW to the Mall and BUYING things in said mall for girls! Or buying drinks at a bar or taking women to dinner. And he was going to Hollywood Premieres all the time, surely that was bait for girls too, especially in LA. He must have been completely offputting.
A lot of male commentary on this guy is that " he should have gotten laid by a prostitute." That is all over men dominated sites like Football sites, etc. That is how they see it. I think that lack of social interaction of a meaningful kind with other men and women is what the problem is, not simply being a virgin.
But when you're withdrawn, it's the closest thing to assault when all eyes are on you
This will not do."
The first time I heard this song, it immediately clicked with me. It’s basically about the struggles of being a socially awkward introvert around extroverted people. The song opens up with the lyrics, "All my life i've been fighting a war/I can't talk to you or your friends/It's not only you/ My heart jumps around when I'm alluded to." The war she speaks of is not physical, but emotional. Social anxiety is an internal war that eats at you and keeps you from socializing. Often times you find yourself not wanting to talk to people, because you fear how they'll perceive you.
Childish Gambino - Outside
"And I just wanna fit in, but nobody was helping me out
They talkin' hood shit and I ain't know what that was about
Cause hood shit and black shit is super different."
This song delves into what it's like growing up in an impoverished predominately black neighborhood, yet wanting more. I easily relate with the song, because I have personally seen friends and family members throw their life away, because they don't realize and are essentially taught that there is more out there for them to experience. The songs chorus repeats, "There's a world you can visit if you go outside."
Beyoncé - Save the Hero
"I bottle all my hurt inside,
I guess I'm living a lie.
Inside my mind each day I die
What can bring me back to life?"
This song easily relates to me in aspects to my relationship with my family. For some reason I have always been held as the one who will "get this family out of the ghetto." Having to carry such huge expectations can be demanding and I often find myself thinking if and when it's all said and done, "who's gonna save me?"
Mariah Carey - Close My Eyes
"Funny how one can learn
To grow numb to the madness
And block it away
I left the worst unsaid
Let it all dissipate
And I try to forget"
When I first heard this song I was 14 and instantly related to the lyrics, because my home life felt so unstable at the time. I couldn't get enough of this song. Before today, I hadn't listened to it in 2 years and when I heard it today it just made me see how much I have grown from that day when I first heard it.
Frank Ocean- Wise Man
"Sad man cannot cry in place where man can see
Never witnessed father weep
This old man thought it weak
But strong man don't exist
No undying man exists
Weak man don't exist no
Just flesh and blood exists"
The theme of this song is that we should love and help each other, but instead we judge and hate each other. This is what causes people to develop negative attitudes toward themselves. The first time I heard this song I was sitting in my room, it was after midnight and I went into deep thoughts as it replayed. It kind of, in a sense, helped me realize that life is simple, but we complicate it each and everyday with negative feelings.
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
"And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am."
I know it's meant to be a love song, but I am able to apply the lyrics to myself in other ways. "I don't want the world to see me/Cause I don't think that they'd understand." Pretty much sums it up. It's about not showing anybody your true self because you're too afraid. It's hiding yourself behind made-up images, copied from other people and then compiled into one for you, so you don't get hurt. It's about wishing there was just one person you could show your true self to, and finding that person (you think), then losing the nerve.
Janelle Monáe - Sincerely, Jane
"1,2,3,4, your cousin's here round here selling dope
While they daddy, your uncle, is walkin' round, strung
Out
Babies with babies, and their tears keep burning
While their dreams go down the drain now"
This song hits home, because I have actually watched individuals in my family throw their lives away. This song is near and dear to me for the same reasons as Outside (2nd song posted above). It's sad to witness "Are we really living or just walking dead now?/ Or dreaming of a hope riding the wings of angels/ The way we live/ The way we die/ What a tragedy"
Madonna - Easy Ride
"I want to let go of all disappointment that's waiting for me
What I want is to live forever
Not defined by time and space
It's a lonely place
That's what I want"
I love the line "not defined by time and space, it's a lonely place." Every aspect of human life is culturally and historically specific and I don't want that for myself. I don't want to be defined by circumstances.
Devin Valez - Temporary Home
"This is my temporary home, it's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passing through
This is just a stop on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know
This is my temporary home"
I've been through stuff just like everyone has. Life is hard, really hard. Listening to this song helps realize that no matter where you are, no matter what you're going through, that your hardships, or loneliness, or depression, or pains are just like temporary homes. Eventually you'll find your way out of whatever darkness is hindering around you.
Kanye West - Heard Em' Say
"They say people in your life are seasons And anything that happen is for a reason"
That's just life. Whenever I listen to this song, I suddenly smile. We can't just say we're going to change the future today and expect it to happen. It's a lot harder than that.
Human beings could’ve been created to be perfect, lawful, loving creatures with no potential for evil or mayhem, but we weren’t. For some reason the powers that be saw it fit to create us with flesh counteractive to purity and here we are.
I saw this film for the first time, last night and was completely blown away. The movie had received spectacular reviews (97% on Rotten Tomatoes), swept award season (Including Best Picture at the Oscars), and launched the career of Best Supporting Actress winner, Lupita Nyong'o.
The movie is simply…profound. There is no award worthy of this film. Not that the film is not worthy of awards of course it is. There is simply no award worthy of this film. It was devastatingly complicated and beautiful. I truly saw the humanity of the enslaved verus a film meant to coddle the imagination and guilt. it was also a painful film in ways that I cannot always fully articulate with words. I felt that pain in my spirit, my skin, my bones, my heart, my existence. I still feel it.
I only briefly read through some of this but I have some reservations. I think that people first need to acknowledge where the "rape culture" comes from and why it is so prevalent in America versus other nations. Rape is only ONE form of violence that has been passed down in the American culture.
Violence, in general, is typically much more prevalent in America than anywhere else in the world. That's why you have cities like Detroit and Chicago among "the world's most dangerous places" next to countries like Sudan and other Third World, war-torn nations and they are both only a CITY in the U.S. This country was founded on violence and bloodshed and the rape culture was developed and passed down from slavery and years (actually CENTURIES) of sexual oppression and silence.
Rape culture, TODAY, still has ties to actual rape and sexual victimization in the 19th and 20th century and that's why it won't go away. Everyone wants to put a band-aid on it and cover it up instead of getting down to the truth. They are asking to eliminate the talk of "rape culture" and not the actual crime and history of it.
Friday, March 21, 2014
Working at Target can actually be very fun and as a cashier I get to converse with so many different people. I usually try my hardest to accommodate the guest to my best ability and make sure that their shopping experience was nice. We're required to ask each guest to take an in store Guest survey ON THEIR PHONE (which makes no sense, when they can just take it at home). Today, one specific guest ask me, what the point of taking the survey was and I told her we ask so we can get feedback on how to improve. She says, she gets that, but why does she have to take it in the store. I thought I had told her the answer, but I guess it wasn't good enough so I ask one of my coworkers and she tells them that the survey won't count if they take it out the store (which was a lie). She agreed to take it. Now, the guest behind her was extremely rude. I ask her, "how are you doing today?" and she blurts out "Just ring me up and don't ask me about any stupid RED card or survey." I do my job.
She didn't like the way I was bagging so she snatches the bag out of my hand and says, "I'll bag it myself, you're just a stupid cashier." At this point the fake smile I was wearing on my face fades away because I was so confused as to why she was mad. The guest behind her says, "leave him alone, he's just having a bad day" and the lady says, "if that's the case he shouldn't take it on us." One problem with this: why is this guest telling me I'm having a bad day when I'm interacting the same way I interact with every guest. I say, "I'm sorry if you feel this way, I was not being rude, if you like I can call my supervisor over." She rolls her eyes at me and tells me to just hurry up so she can pay and leave. She pays, I hand her the receipt and instead of saying the usual "Enjoy the rest of your day," I simply say "bye." She must've misheard me, because she starts yelling at me screaming, "How dare you call me a bitch! What kind of customer service training did you have!" My supervisor comes over and the bitter old lady goes on about how rude I was being to her. She told my supervisor that I threw her receipt at her and called her out of her name. My supervisor tells her she is sorry and assures her that she will deal with me.
The supervisor closes my lane and pulls me to the side to talk to me and I tell her what actually happened. She is fairly new to this store, so she doesn't really know me. Naturally, she believes the guest and tells me that she is going to have to write me up. She tells me that even if the guest was lying it is my job to make sure no one ever reaches that point which was kind of impossible in that instance.
Recently came across these photos of old family members when I visited my aunt.
My Great Great Aunt (Top), Great Grandmother w/ my late Great Aunt Cookie in her hands. (Bottom)
My Great Great Aunt apparently practiced voodoo.
My Great Grandmother apparently used to knit everyone's clothes.
Another Great Great Aunt.
She was one of the first women to cover Jet Magazine.
His story is very interesting. He was the first from my mom's maternal side of the family to migrate to San Francisco in 1939. He apparently hitchhiked his way from Lafayette, Louisiana. He spoke Cajun French (as well as the two women at top) and his english was very broken. When he got here he worked as a construction worker and eventually opened a BBQ Restaurant called Hickory Pit in the Fillmore. He was the third richest black man in San Francisco in the 1940s and owned 6 victorians throughout the city where various family members who came from Louisiana stayed. According to my aunt, the woman who he married was poisoning him. Apparently, my Great Great aunt (the one was into voodoo) right before he died informed the family that his wife was poisoning him, but no one believed her. The next week he was dead and she had taken everything.
My Grandmas (my mom's mom) as a child.
My Grandpa (My mom's father) as a child with some cousins.
When people talk about homosexuality being an abomination I truly question their sanity and ability to grasp what it is they're even saying. You are basically telling me that one of my most natural and core states of being is UNNATURAL and that there's something wrong with me. Let me put it like this....if there is a god, I don't doubt for a second that he made me this way because it's who I'm supposed to be. I would never judge anyone born any kind of way. But when people spew some ignorance on something they clearly don't understand..., I WILL JUDGE YOU because whereas what you're judging me for is something I can't change, I'm judging you for something YOU CAN.
The word "lifestyle" still really irritates me, like it's some kind of hobby you just decided to take up. It really fuels the whole "being gay is a choice" narrative. I think Sherri is a nice person, just terribly small-minded.
I am the type of person who doesn't really like confrontation and usually keeps my opinions to myself. But I do speak up when I get angry enough and today I kindly had to let someone I've been "friends" with since high school know how I really felt about their commentary. She usually makes slick comments like, "I don't agree with your lifestyle, but we can friends," "Love the sinner, not the sin." Today she told me I was going to hell and I got really mad so I reminded her that Bible routinely, clearly, and strongly classifies all sex acts outside of the bonds of marriage as an abomination which would make her one as well and that she should not pick and choose what is a sin. She just gave me an astound look and told me I didn't know what I was talking about and started talking about how she goes to church every Sunday.
I've read things ABOUT the Bible, I know that a lot of things in it certainly shouldn't be taken at face value anymore, especially things in the Old Testament. And even if they were, we'd ALL be doomed to Hell.
Look at this passage from one of my favorite books, Proverbs:
Proverbs 6:16-19
King James Version (KJV)
16 These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
18 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
19 A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.
So basically liars, people who scheme, instigators, and people who run to fights and pull their phone out are all abominations unto God. And that passage uses the same Hebrew word for "abomination" that is used in Leviticus 18:22, that verse that every fool likes to trot out, so there is no wiggle room. There are many other uses too. Stealing, murder, and adultery are termed abominations in Jeremiah 7.
My question is, if folk insist that everybody live their lives by that book, why haven't they read it themselves? (To say nothing about double-checking it and not beliveing everything you read - we live in the internet age where that is simple.) Why the focus on homosexuality and not murder which is also an abomination and actually hurts people? Why the elevation of one sin over another as if we are not all sinners? Why not bother asking oneself or someone if homosexuality is truly a sin in the first place?
I am a student of history and so I've always sought truth even through religion, but my path has led me to see religion for what it truly is. Everyone has a right to their beliefs and I myself have many christian friends - how could you not? But what makes me sick to my stomach is the fact that Christians actually believe, because of their religion, that being gay is a sin and a ticket to hell. And what may even be worse, many think its a better idea for gays to suppress their sexuality and be neutral rather than be who they are and be happy.
I don't mock Christianity; I mock the hypocrisy and ignorance of a large percent of Christians... especially those that pretend we still live in the dark ages. I love the idea that someone was so selfless and full of love that he gave his life for me. That is very touching. The thought behind us striving to be that way is a great moral. I can totally live without the wars, manipulation, hypocrisy, condemnations, homphobia, and sexism though. I really can.
Spirituality is possible without Religion. A connection to a higher power is possible without The Bible. I think everyone should really take the time to figure out what "God" means to them without a pastor or preacher yelling in their ear. Figure out what faith means to them without reading a book written hundreds of years ago thats filled with inaccuracies anyway. Your connection to God should be your connection to God. Not a connection that society is telling you, you should have
Yesterday, while at work as I was ringing up a guest and he asked me how I liked working at Target.
Me: I like it, the pay is decent and mostly everyone I encounter here is nice. I would never want to work in retail my entire life though.
Man: Do you plan on going to school to get a better job?
Me: I am in school.
Man: Oh.
I wasn't offended or anything, but it got me thinking, the whole "go to school and get a better paying job" mentality is pretty offensive. Many of my coworkers have bachelor degrees and have had a difficult time finding work in their field of study. And to make matters worse the requirements for jobs is becoming more difficult. Things have changed in the work world. It's frustrating for many people to not only to find a job but to keep it as well.
That whole classist attitude is disgusting, to be honest. It sounds ridiculous when anyone says, "go back to school and get a better paying job." While working in retail or fast food may be deemed "kids work" to many Americans, there are people who are working these jobs that have families to support while prices for everything are rising daily.
I think that a blanket minimum wage is stupid. The federal government should set a minimum wage (to keep a standard) and the states should (be forced to) set one based on the cost of living in that state. One that's rooted in actual economics and not a number that businesses lobby for. You might even be able to put it even more locally than that.
I also feel that it should be a livable wage which is different in, say, South Carolina and New York.
I was having a discussion with some people in my Econ class last semester about setting a minimum wage for minors and a separate, higher one for adults. It could work since employers have to pay more to employ kids and they can't work as often but I'd still worry about the companies that would exploit them and then kick them out at 18.
This is definitely a complex discussion that calls for PROGRESSIVE thinking/ideas. I don't think we're talking about it enough, to be honest.
